Fifty Shades of Shit

I'm going to read Fifty Shades of Grey because it should be pretty awful. I haven't been able to get past the 3rd page when we first see the main character's name. Anastasia Steele is exactly the name a fanfiction writer with the pseudonym "Snowqueens Icedragon"(THAT WAS HER REAL PEN NAME!!!) would give their main character. The first person, present tense style is also grating on me. It's the same way a person of E.L. James' age would tell a story about an altercation with someone at a grocery store: "So then, I say to the guy 'Get your face out of my way,' and he slams his cart into mine. I'm not going to take that shit so I throw a watermelon at his head. I don't know why they called security because I am clearly handling this."